What is shame? Shame can come from two sources: from doing something wrong or not doing what you think you should have done; or it can come from others who humiliate or ignore you.
We all experience both kinds of shame. Both types cause feelings of guilt. However, they are not the same. The remedies are also different.
Doing something that is against God and is wrong, should make us feel shame and guilt, as God has built this into our conscience. The remedy for this kind of guilt and shame is confession of sin to our loving God, who gave his life for us, and seeking forgiveness from the person you have injured. You are not responsible for the response of the person, whether or not they forgive you. Instead, you have honored God by seeking it from them. Receiving forgiveness from God is how God heals us and restores us, making us new. It is God’s gift of grace and mercy to us, the cleansing for our sin and shame. God’s righteousness is our covering for both. You may know this in your head, but perhaps you struggle with it in your heart. If this is your struggle that keeps you stuck, Dale can help you work through this.
The second kind of shame and guilt comes from being humiliated by another. It makes us believe we are an outcast or just don’t fit in somehow, or we are simply not enough. You feel less-than and exposed and believe people actually see you this way. You want to hide. This kind of shame and guilt says, “I am ____________”. How would you fill in the blank? (i.e. I am dirty? I am not good enough? I am worthless? I am inadequate? I am invisible? I am stupid? or something else?) What do you mumble under your breath or tell yourself often? You, too, actually believe you are this. The lie is that “I am the shameful one,” even though the cause is from someone else’s behavior toward you.
Your stubborn belief is this: I am the one who is guilty. I don’t deserve________. I have no value. I am forever _________, unless I do something to earn my worth, making myself better. Yet no matter how hard you try, this does not cleanse you. Shame persists.
What is the remedy for this type of shame and guilt? It is not by trying harder. It is not by achieving or accomplishing something. Since we are not at fault, it cannot be fixed with our repentance and receiving of forgiveness. We need Jesus for this. The remedy is being cleansed by Jesus’ covering of our shame.
Jesus knows the shame that comes from humiliation. People shamed him. He knows rejection, abandonment, slander, hatred, torture. He also carried our own shame and sin to the cross. How do you work through this kind of shame and guilt? Dale can help you and lead you into more freedom. Shame is a huge category that keeps people stuck and striving without end. Let Dale guide and mentor you away from the shame and guilt that holds you back.
